Joy...

I'm not gonna lie...this has been a hard week.

I tend to get into these little mini-funks a couple of times a year and this one came on fast and hard. Sometimes I just feel so...alone. And the worst of it is, when I get in these funky places, I tend to isolate myself which really just makes me feel worse.

I had to finally say goodbye to Manda and the kids this week. It was hard. They are my family...my heart...my smile. Just take a look at this blog and you can see that I love that family. Just being with them at times has gotten me through the hardest 2 years of my life. Slobbery kisses and trips to the bookstore have been the brightest part of my otherwise very gloomy life the past 18 months. I'm not quite sure what I will do without them.

This month at church we are teaching the kids about a new virtue...guess what it is? Joy. Finding a way to be happy even when things don't go your way. Are you kidding me? I get this subtle feeling that God wants to teach me something that I'm just not in the mood for. Joy?

So, after a long week of feeling sorry for myself I sit here on the couch trying to decide. Will I choose joy? Certainly there are plenty of reasons why I should. Just the fact that God wants me to have joy should be enough for me. But, do you think I can be sad for just one more night? I think a few more tears might need to come out. So...tonight I'll cry and tomorrow I'll try to choose joy.